dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
