Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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