dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
