also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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