I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
