Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just gift wrapped bread.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
