I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
