i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
