I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
