you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
