I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize