searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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