Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
