I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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