you're like a bully in the Christmas story
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
