I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
