The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
