Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
