guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
