no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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