I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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