sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
