Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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