I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
