Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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