If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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