i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
