She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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