well I can't set my house on fire every night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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