I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
