TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
