you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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