You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
