I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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