I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
