It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
