I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He has the fingertips of a God
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