How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
