so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we're so committed to being not committed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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