We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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