I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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