And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
high people should be assigned attendants
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
