Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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