I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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