Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
