The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The power of my boobs compel you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize