Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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