Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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