According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
