who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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