if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
