I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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