I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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