So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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