I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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