You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
