a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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