Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
