put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
