wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have fence marks all over my body
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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