so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
