Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
