Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
