I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
