The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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