one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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